Bedroom conversations: asking for what you want

In all seriousness, talking about sex can be one of the most uncomfortable parts of a romantic relationship. Asking for specific wants in the bedroom? Many of us would rather curl into a ball. It doesn't matter if you're in a long-term relationship or enjoying a brief and budding situationship, these conversations can be tough.

As someone who has enjoyed both long-term and short relationships, I can attest to just how hard they really are. Even worse, sometimes I can't get the courage to even bring up the topic.

These experiences are totally normal and if you feel the same, know you're not alone.

When this discussion came up at rosewell in our community chat, one thing became apparent: we all have individual experiences, needs, preferences and desires and yet, all are hard to communicate. 

Being able to speak about these things out loud is so important for a fulfilling sexual relationship. So, between our group and our on-call GP/sexologist, this is where we've landed.

Pick a neutral space
Let's hope this goes without saying, but the bedroom (especially before or after intimate moments) is likely not the best place for a potentially uncomfortable conversation. Talking about needs and desires outside of the bedroom can feel less intense, with less pressure and more space. Keep the bedroom as a place for fun and pleasure, with heavy chats skipped.

Start with a compliment
You know the "compliment sandwich" theme? Lean in. Sharing a positive, affirming compliment can set the tone. Being the conversation by covering something you enjoy, followed by what you're hoping for next. 

Provide detail
Take the opportunity of the moment to get in the nitty-gritty. If there's a technique, position or trick you'd like to try, tell them the specifics and why you'd enjoy it. If the mood allows, consider demonstrating on yourself or them. 

Be open to feedback
It's important to understand how vulnerable these chats can feel. Be patient, open, and listen to whatever your partner has to say. Their needs and wants are just as important. Use this as an opportunity for a more broader conversation on what you're both wanting, if the situation permits!