In matters of the heart, we are good at seeing through other's faults. Why is it so hard to view ourselves in the same light?
When it comes to others, we focus on the good qualities. On what makes them special. But when we do something wrong? We are dumb, stupid, idiotic. Rarely, if ever, would we say the same to others. Let alone to our loved ones.
That includes you.
In moments of self-criticism, it can be helpful to acknowledge your thoughts. Remember, you are not your thoughts. These thoughts that you are having, are not bad or good. They are just thoughts. Practising self-compassion in this way is a key part of loving who you are.
Acts of self-love come in many forms. It's scheduling personal time in your calendar - to remind yourself you are a priority. It's dedicating time for learning, hobbies, friendships and rest. It is knowing the value of your time, experiences, and feelings. Then enjoy them with no associated guilt. At its core, self-love is about appreciating yourself for the complex human that you are.
That means, by definition, we cannot buy self-love. We can, however, reward ourselves for a week/month/year of self-compassion with a face mask, bath bomb, or new outfit.
Ultimately, the love we give ourselves shapes how we love others. Practising self-love helps us to understand our own needs. Such as our boundaries, the concessions we are willing to make, and when it's time to walk away. In turn, knowing our own needs helps us to communicate more effectively with our partners.
So what does self-love mean to you? Is it setting aside some time to move your body? Sitting in the sun with a cup of tea to recharge? Nourishing your body with healthy food, putting on a face mask or self-pleasure? Whatever it may be, prioritise taking time out of each day for yourself. In turn, you will be better placed to show up for your partner and your family.
We can't pour from an empty cup.
“To restore silence is the role of objects.”
- Samuel Beckett