The dating landscape has evolved dramatically in recent years, especially with the rise of digital platforms. While apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have made it easier to meet new people, they’ve also introduced a host of new challenges and behaviours—many of which can leave us feeling confused, frustrated, or even hurt.
Terms like “ghosting,” “breadcrumbing,” and “benching” have become part of the modern dating lexicon, reflecting the complexities of navigating relationships in a digital-first world.
The silent goodbye of ghosting.
Ghosting occurs when someone cuts off communication abruptly without explanation. It’s a behavior many have encountered—according to a 2022 study by the dating app Plenty of Fish, 78% of singles have experienced ghosting at least once.
Ghosting often leaves people questioning what went wrong, leading to feelings of rejection or self-doubt. Relationship expert Dr. Jenn Mann explains, “Ghosting is usually a reflection of the ghoster’s emotional unavailability or discomfort with confrontation, rather than a commentary on the person being ghosted.”
Breadcrumbing: keeping you on the hook.
Breadcrumbing involves sending sporadic, superficial messages to keep someone interested without committing to anything deeper. A 2021 survey by Psychology Today found that 64% of online daters had experienced breadcrumbing, often leaving them feeling confused and emotionally drained.
Breadcrumbing is often motivated by a desire to maintain attention or validation without the intention of building a meaningful connection. This behavior can create a cycle of hope and disappointment, making it hard to move on
Benching: the backup plan.
Benching refers to keeping someone on hold—showing just enough interest to keep them around as a backup option while actively pursuing others. This behavior can be subtle, but it’s characterized by inconsistency and vague plans.
According to relationship coach Mark Groves, benching reflects indecision or a lack of emotional availability. “People bench others when they’re unsure of their feelings or unwilling to commit but don’t want to let go entirely,” he says.
Why does this happen?
Modern dating behaviors like ghosting, breadcrumbing, and benching are often rooted in: The Paradox of Choice: Dating apps provide an abundance of options, leading some to treat connections as disposable. Psychologist Dr. Barry Schwartz calls this the “paradox of choice,” where too many options can make us less satisfied and more hesitant to commit.
- Fear of vulnerability: Avoiding difficult conversations (like ending things respectfully) often stems from discomfort with vulnerability or confrontation.
- Validation seeking: Some people engage in breadcrumbing or benching to fulfill their need for attention or ego boosts without investing emotionally.
If you find yourself in this situation, it's critical to remember that everyone has different approaches to dating and the biggest priority is comfort, safety and consent.